I wrote Trapped by Money because financial control can be difficult to recognise – especially when there are no obvious signs of abuse.

It can start quite innocently. Someone might say, “I can sort that – you’ve got enough on your plate.” At first, it may even feel helpful. But over time, things can change. It might become questions about what you’re spending, being asked to explain where your money has gone, having your access to money restricted, or finding that decisions are gradually being made for you.

Little by little, you can find yourself having less say, less confidence and less sense of independence.

I know this because I experienced it myself.

What might sound surprising is that I’d read about controlling behaviour. I understood what the words meant. But I didn’t fully connect the dots in my own life. You can understand something in your head and still not recognise it when you’re living with it.

And life gives you plenty of ways to avoid uncomfortable truths. You keep busy. You get on with things. You tell yourself that other people have problems too. You see similar behaviour around you and start to think that perhaps this is just how relationships work.

So, you adapt.

You make excuses. You keep quiet. You start to doubt yourself rather than what’s going on. You tell yourself it’s not serious enough to do anything about.

For me, there was another difficult part – the effect on family relationships. When you begin to recognise what has been going on or decide to take a stand, it can make other people uncomfortable too. Sometimes people would rather not rock the boat. They may not understand the situation, may not know how to respond, or may find it easier to look the other way.

Perhaps acknowledging what they’ve seen would make them question things they have accepted themselves. Sometimes, staying quiet can feel easier than dealing with an uncomfortable truth.

I understand that differently now.

None of this makes the experience any easier, but it has helped me understand why recognising what’s happening – and deciding what to do about it – can take time.

That’s one of the reasons I wrote this book.

I wanted to create something that helps people join the dots. Something practical and clear that can help you identify patterns, understand how they may be affecting you, explore your options and begin to make sense of something that may have felt confusing for a very long time.